Six Years?!

It has been 6 years since my last post.

6. YEARS.

Aren't you curious about what's been going on with me? What fun new exciting adventures I've had?

Me too. I'm curious about WHAT THE HELL I'VE BEEN DOING WITH MY LIFE.

Reading my old posts made me laugh. I am so over-dramatic. Was I high or something?

Yes. Yes, I was. On prescription painkillers. God bless pharmaceuticals for creating meds that can help during time of need, but damn, I will not take those meds again for as long as I can.

I must have thought I was amusing or something...

Christmas in June

Currently listening to: "First Snow First Kiss" by Yeosob and Daniel

I didn't realize it was a Christmas song, and actually wasn't meaning to listen to it, but it popped up on someone's blog so I kept listening. It's a sentimental song about... well, I think the title pretty much sums it up.

I've been reprimanded by a couple of friends to update. So... in my delirium, at 6:00am, having stayed up all night and needing to wake up in 4 hours, here I am, blogging.

I am so weird.

But I digress. My purpose of today's blog is to say that I've been listening to music (specifically, KPop - Korean Pop) nonstop these past few weeks (months? Yes, months). It is very unusual for me to be so obsessed with Korean music - for those that know me, I was the person that would look at you weird for listening/watching KPop music and videos. I think a lot of it was that KPop/KDrama/KMovies were too sentimental, sappy, and overdramatic for me.

And I am NOT a sentimental, sappy, overdramatic person. Okay, well, maybe I am a tad overdramatic AT TIMES, but for the most part, I stayed away from that kind of stuff. I mean, I can't even stand chick flicks. I never wanted to watch love stories. I'll take an action flick any day, thank you very much. I disliked having to go through the emotional roller coaster of someone else's love troubles. Someone once said that he (yes, HE) liked chick flicks because he wanted to "feel something" while watching the movies. I, on the other hand, want to be taken away, not reminded of the real world. I preferred stories that were beyond our reality (LOTR, Harry Potter) or at least beyond MY reality (Ocean's Eleven, Boondock Saints, The Bourne Identity).

So that fact that I started getting into KPop was a huge HUGE surprise to those around me. I'm sure I'll write more about it later, but for now, let's just say, it was just as big a surprise to myself. Even the fast songs are usually about love/relationships/blah blah blah. Yeah, I'm still getting used to it....

I was talking to a friend about the change, about how I've been able to listen to more sentimental music, and she said something very interesting: the pain that I endured last year with my back could have contributed to "softening" my feelings, making me more receptive to sentiments and emotions.

Hmm. What she said has been making me think. And I think I do agree with her. I am not a crying kind of girl. I've always held in my emotions. I could probably count on one hand the situations that have made me cry. But since my injury, I've definitely noticed that I am more emotional.

I don't consider being emotional as being a bad thing anymore. I've been more accepting of it, of myself. I ain't gonna lie - last year was bad. Did a lot of thinking, crying, soul searching, praying. I'm okay with where I am now, I've accepted all that has happened. And if that has led me to becoming more emotional, listening to KPop, and watching KDramas - so be it.

And it doesn't hurt that these KPop boy bands are super cute.

But... that's a different story for another time... Believe me when I say that I can talk for days that on subject.

The sun is rising, the birds are chirping. This tired ol' body is now schlepping herself to bed. I apologize for the bad grammar in today's posting. But, I... kinda don't care at this point. Ha.

Bye-yum!

Harumph

Yes, it's been a while since I've written anything. And yes, the reason I'm writing now is because I'm annoyed beyond belief and I feel the need to vent. No, it's not work related, which is surprising, if you knew how annoying my work can be. And yes, I do feel a bit guilty that after a 3 month hiatus from blogging, I'm coming back only to rant and rave and vent.

But anyways...

My school is driving me nuts. I understand, and am willing to be very patient, about incompetent instructors (not all instructors can be the best, so I'll roll with the punches), slight schedule changes, and other various issues that come along with school.

But when you change the next term's schedule COMPLETELY AROUND two weeks before it starts and expect a student who is also working full time to accommodate the changes, you are asking for a huge argument to ensue.

I work 3 nights a week, which is helpful while I go to school. However, it is NIGHT shift. Meaning, if a class is scheduled the next day at 12pm, and I get home at 9am, there are going to be problems. I don't know about you, but I don't normally function well with no sleep. My work schedule gets planned out a month and a half in advance, and was kind enough (and I use that term very loosely) to change my current schedule because it will benefit them - I will have to work every single Friday and Saturday night for the next couple months. Luckily, that's not going to change with this new schedule. However, I have to work one more night during the week, which is the issue. Again, no sleep = very unhappy Grace.

There are many 20-something-year-olds at my school (I have nothing against you, my dear 20-something-year-olds. You're cute as a button... sometimes). They don't work. They can handle schedule changes with no problem. But this working girl is not too happy right now. I'm just gonna console myself with some milk tea. Harumph.

Hope

New Years Eve. Out with the old, in with the new. I’ll definitely agree that 2010 was a rough year. But I’m not sure I can wholeheartedly say I’m looking forward to 2011. I’m a bit nervous for what 2011 will bring. I’m not sure how to approach this new year, this new chapter of my life.

2010 was filled with pain (both literally and figuratively) and patience. I’m not sure if I’ve learned all the lessons I was supposed to learn. I sometimes wonder if I’m just blindly going from one land mine to another.

But there is hope; just the tiniest sliver of hope, glimmering like a tiny snowflake, in my hand. So fragile, not sure if it’s going to last, but believing, at least for that moment, that it’s mine, beautifully all mine.

Hope: the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best; a person or thing in which expectations are centered (http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/hope)

What is it that I want? What event do I want to turn out for the best? What am I centering my expectations around? I don’t know how to answer these questions just yet. They have changed many times, and changed again when I start analyzing my intentions behind them. But perhaps what’s important is the belief that I can have something and that somehow everything will turn out for the best.

That hope is what gives me a little peace while looking out into what may come in 2011. The hope of something better, the hope of growing stronger, understanding more and passing on that hope to others.

Happy New Year!

Grateful #2

I hate the cold. I don’t know if I’m just being a wuss, but really, I. Hate. The cold. I've always had to carry an extra thick jacket in my car, even during summer months, because a little wind, and I’d be crying.

This makes me a bit scared to travel during the colder months, even though I would love to see Christmas in New York or Paris. My mom did tell me a long time ago that it’s because I live here in southern California. People outside of SoCal, they adapt, they’re heartier. Me, I will never be able to live anywhere else. Sigh.

I also know that cold weather makes my back hurt more. It makes my muscles all tighten up, giving me spasms and achy feelings.

Perhaps this is my excuse to only vacation in tropical areas. Sun, sand, mai tais with little drink umbrellas…. Oh, but I digress.

A good friend once said:

"The water is intoxicating in a way, the way it loosens your muscles and lifts your body. It makes you feel lighter than what you are. Water helps to drain away any feeling of control, and it's the only place where that doesn't bother me. "

And I have to completely agree. I am desperate for control. But, in the water… oh, the water. All of that goes away, just melts off my shoulders, my back, out and away. I’ve learned to enjoy the jacuzzi at a nearby spa for my aches and pains, physical and mental.

But there are days when I can't get to the spa, when the cold just chills me to my bones, and nothing but a scalding hot shower can take away the chattering teeth. My mom seemed to know this about me when I was younger and had me take a couple showers a day during the winter, which is something I still do as needed.

So, today, I want to say that I am grateful for hot water. I am thankful to have healing warm soothing water for my body and soul.

Grateful...

I came to realize something very very simple today: I am grateful for underground parking. It’s been raining quite a lot these last few days, and I realized that it is so easy for me to walk downstairs to my car with no worries, and drive away without thinking twice about it. The reason I am even thinking about this is because I remember my parents’ house in Los Alamitos. We only had street parking, and having to go out in the rain meant getting sopping wet in the 5 seconds it took to get to and from the car. The drainage system was awful there, and any time it rained, the streets would be flooded. We’d have to make sure not to park too close to the corner, otherwise we wouldn't be able to open the car door – the water was THAT high. The El Nino season was especially horrid when there was so much rain that it went up past the sidewalk and the small yard, up to our front door. We literally had to swim to our cars.

Now, I know many people would say, “That’s what galoshes/rain boots are for.” Um… this is Southern California, people. What da heck are rain boots or galoshes? And do they even make those for anyone older than 4 years old??

All of that got me thinking about how LUCKY and BLESSED I am to have an underground parking structure in my apartment building now. Lately, I've been stressed about a few things, distracted, whiny, SELFISH. Sheesh. Where's the faith, the trust? I have to believe that all the other stuffs will eventually get figured out. It’s not like I’m starving, without a roof over my head or a bed to sleep in.

As we get closer to Christmas and the New Year, I am turning the focus away from me. With a very grateful heart, I will continue to focus on things I am grateful for, instead of complaining about things outside of my control or petty things that don’t matter in the long run.

Party of One...

Have you ever been in a situation where you know you’re supposed to be happy but all you can think about is yourself and you start having a pity party for one and start eating everything in sight? No? Yeah, me neither.